1st Mock Draft - 2009 NFL Draft - Turtlenecks Optional

It's time for my first mock draft for the 2009 NFL Draft extravaganza. The 1st day of the draft is one of my favorite days of the year. Last year, I doublefisted drinks, blacked out and walked on water. Needless to say, anything can happen. That's the beauty of it. My opinions will change as the draft approaches. We have most of bowl season to go and not to mention the combines and pro days where players will show off their abilities. It's all about 40 yard dash times, bench presses and vertical leaps. All the intangibles that make up a great player will be tested. Get your popcorn ready and away we go.....(draft position is based on how the chips would fall if they were going to draft today, the playoffs will impact the latter half of the draft mostly)

1. Detroit Lions - Matthew Stafford QB Georgia - The top pick like the champagne room at the strip club. Everybody likes to have the option, but nobody wants to pay the price for it. Matt Stafford has the potential to be the next John Elway, but if he's able to replicate the rookie performance of last year's glamour QB Matt Ryan, that would be a blessing for the moribund paper Lions franchise.

2. St. Louis Rams - Sam Bradford QB Oklahoma - St. Louis IMO has three options at this pick 1) Trade down to get a top CB like Vontae Davis or Malcolm Jenkins at around picks 8-12. 2) Take one of the top offensive lineman or 3) Do something necessarily, but in a hastily manner. I think they'll go for number 3. Contingent upon Oklahoma winning the BCS National Championship, I think Bradford couldn't possibly pass up the opportunity to go pro. He won't be able to replicate this season next year at Oklahoma as a junior.

3. Kansas City Chiefs - Michael Johnson DE Georgia Tech - This pick will probably change in future mocks. KC could improve in a number of areas. The big question is whether Thigpen is their QB of the future. If not, they'll hope that Detroit passes on Stafford and he drops to them. Otherwise, pick who they feel is the best player available.

4. Cincinnati Bengals - Michael Oher OT Mississippi - I like spelling Mississippi, I don't like spelling Cincinnati. They need to protect their QB, this pick could also be Andre Smith of Alabama.

5. Seattle Seahawks - Michael Crabtree WR Texas Tech - This team needs to upgrade their offensive playmakers. Whether it's at QB, RB or WR. I wouldn't be surprised if they took Knowshown Moreno or Beanie Wells here. I think their defense is still solid despite what their win-loss record would indicate. It's the parity of the NFL at play.

6. Oakland Raiders - Andre Smith OT Alabama - Al Davis could take a speedy wideout or a big linebacker, but in the end, I think they'll pick lineman like they did with Robert Gallery a couple of drafts back.

7. Cleveland Browns - Malcolm Jenkins CB Ohio State - This pick has Beanie Wells written all over it, but I have a feeling his stock will drop come draft day. So I'll go with the other Ohio State product to supplement the secondary. You can never have too much in your secondary.

8. Green Bay Packers - Brian Orakpo DE Texas - The Packers need to improve on defense if they are going to contend in the NFC North again. Orakpo seems like a good pick in a good crop of lineman.

9. Jacksonville Jaguars - Vontae Davis CB Illinois - It wouldn't surprise me if they go after one of the top safetys or the best available offensive tackle here. I like this fellow better than Jenkins, but Malcolm has the higher profile with Ohio State.

10. San Francisco 49ers - Taylor Mays S USC - Another case of the best player available. Mike Singletary like guys that win and that's what they do at Southern Cal. This could be a good spot for a stud linebacker to go as well.

11. Buffalo Bills - Aaron Curry OLB Wake Forest - Buffalo will go defense with this pick. This fellow is the top outside linebacker in this draft class.

12. San Diego Chargers - Rey Maualuga ILB USC - The Chargers could address a number of areas here. If this is where they pick, they'll be out of the playoffs. They'll sure up a strength with a guy that'll stay close to home.

13. Houston Texans - William Moore S Missouri - Taylor Mays would be the pick, but he's gone. They could go linebacker here. How the teams ahead of them pick will dictate how they pick. If they don't like what they see, they could trade down to get draft picks.

14. Washington Redskins - Eugene Monroe OT Virginia - He's my pick for the Ryan Clady 40 this year. The Ryan Clady 40 was a malt liquor chugging contest. I really like this guy better than Oher and Andre Smith. The Skins play it smart and sure up an aging offensive line in what may be the deepest position in this year's draft arguably with defensive tackle.

15. New Orleans Saints - James Laurinitis ILB Ohio State - Like the Texans, they'll see what drops to them on the defensive end and pick the best player available. They are happy that Laurinitis is still there at 15.

16. Denver Broncos - Terrence Cody DT Alabama - Most of the primetime linebackers and safeties have been selected so they should go with defensive line. Although I wouldn't be surprised if they make a play at Moreno or Wells and force Arizona to give up some draft picks to swap places with them.

17. Arizona Cardinals - Knowshown Moreno RB Georgia - Tim Hightower isn't the answer and we all know how explosive young running backs are doing in the NFL in this day and age. This is the cream of the crop at this position. Edgerrin James isn't Tuck Everlasting.

18. Philadelphia Eagles - Alex Mack C California - A team with two picks, they could address some needs of package those picks to move up if they like a particular player. There are some studs in the Top 15 and if none of them drop, they are out of luck. They'll address offensive line, it's a win-win situation for them.

19. New York Jets - Clint Sintim OLB Virginia - Another best player available situation. Will they use this draft to pick their QB of the future in the later rounds. Prior to that, they'll address the defense. Perhaps the secondary, but they'll go after a big fellow.

20. Chicago Bears - Darius Heyward-Bey WR Maryland - Devin Hester isn't the answer at wideout. Sure, he's an exciting player in the return game, but Chicago should be able to get a nice wideout here whether it be Heyward-Bey or Jeremy Maclin. But the QB could be the problem, but they could use a playmaker to complement Matt Forte.

21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Everette Brown DE Florida State - They could use a homerun hitter at wideout because I feel that Antonio Bryant could be a fraud. If they feel he isn't, they'll an end like George Selvie or this guy from FSU.

22. Detroit Lions - Brian Cushing OLB USC - Now that they have a signal caller, they'll address another need. They could go in any number of directions here. I'm going with my gut here because I can't even try to explain Detroit's personnel mindset here.

23. Minnesota Vikings - Duke Robinson OG Oklahoma - If they can get a tackle or Alex Mack here, that's a bonus, but they'll go after the best guard prospect in the draft. Offensive lineman to sure up their ace in the hole, Adrian Peterson.

24. New England Patriots - Brandon Spikes ILB Florida - Linebacker or secondary? That is the question, you never know what the Patriots are going to do. This is my best guess at this point of the draft.

25. Miami Dolphins - Ciron Black OT LSU - The Fins could do a number of things with this pick. The later you go in the first round, the tougher it is to project players. Your guess is as good as mine.

26. Atlanta Falcons - Brandon Pettigrew TE Oklahoma State - Give Matt Ryan a big target in the end zone and you'll have your complete set of playmakers in the ATL. Ryan, Turner, White and Pettigrew.

27. Baltimore Ravens - Jeremy Maclin WR Missouri - Another young QB who is probably in greater need of some good wideouts. This has been a problem area in Baltimore for years. You could do worse than Maclin, who falls to this point as a blessing for the Ravens.

28. Indianapolis Colts - Trevard Lindley CB Kentucky - He'd be a good complimentary corner for Bob Sanders' safety in the secondary. A wideout to supplant Marvin Harrison could be a good call here too. Percy Harvin?

29. Philadelphia Eagles - Chris Wells RB Ohio State - They've grabbed an insurance policy for Donovan McNabb in Kevin Kolb, this year they grab one for Brian Westbrook, he's still one of the best in the game, but having the one-two punch that seems to be prevalent in this league in today's NFL would be beneficial to the Eagles who don't have great wide receivers.

30. Pittsburgh Steelers - Jason Smith OT Baylor - The biggest no-brainer of this draft - The Steelers go with an offensive lineman, they need to protect Roethlisberger and Co..

31. New York Giants - Peria Jerry DT Mississippi - The G Men could always use a wideout with the Plaxico Burress situation. If you are drafting here, you probably made it to the Super Bowl. A best player available scenario.

32. Tennessee Titans - Percy Harvin WR Florida - If the shoe fits, wear it. The Titans can't depend on Justin Gage's groin and Brandon Jones isn't the answer. A sexy pick to end the first round, finishing the way we started.

There's No 'I' In Fantasy

If you are a sports fan in this day and age that has Internet access, you probably play fantasy sports. The most popular of them is football with baseball coming in second. You play with your friends, family and co-workers. You have your draft either as a party or online. Then you make trades and pick up players as free agents from the waiver wire to supplement the holes on your roster. Your goal is to win, but your team doesn't have the same agenda as you do.

It's your fantasy and your team knows this, but they don't care. They suffer injuries that may last for a couple of weeks or the entire season. Their coaches employ running backs by committee and also call plays that implement players you've never heard of. That person becomes the hero of the moment until they get cast aside as a fluke. It's all about the tease and there are many people trying to tell you what they think. It's the politics of fantasy football and it's all just one giant conspiracy.

These so-called 'experts' are nothing more than a cross between weathermen, actuaries and the 'house' at a casino. They are studying trends and applying that knowledge to project what they think will happen. But just when you think you have all of the answers, as Rowdy Roddy Piper would say, they change all of the questions. I may speak on this matter in generalizations, but that's essentially the name of the game. It's will be winding with lots of snow. Player 'X' didn't play in practice on Wednesday, but he should be ready to go. Team 'Y' is historically good against the run, but weak against the pass. Player 'Z' could be out for 2-8 weeks depending on rehab and the severity of the injury. It's all speculation, that's all the game is cracked up to be anyway.

It's not about you, it was never about you, don't forget that. So have fun, but just remember, the fix is already in.

Coming Up Next: Big Things?

We are just over a week away from what could be the biggest fight in the history of the UFC or MMA in general or at least until the next main event fight comes along a month or two after that. In the fight game, you are only as good as your last fight and to follow the time-tested credo of Raiders emperor Al Davis of 'Just Win Baby'. You can build and create stars, but ultimately their staying power will be dictated by their training regimens, injury susceptibility, win-loss record, marketability and overall lifestyle. Randy Couture and Brock Lesnar are two heavyweight fighters that the UFC can bank on. You could say it'll be the unstoppable force (Lesnar - the future, the ticking timebomb of potential looking to explode onto the prime landscape of the greenest of pastures) meeting the immovable object (Couture - the figurative battery that keeps going in his 40s) like Gorilla Monsoon did to compare Hulk Hogan and Andre The Giant. Some would say Couture is passing the torch to Lesnar, but Couture can still take a licking.

Randy has the all the requisite experience and is the more well-rounded of the two fighters. He is in my opinion the favorite, Lesnar must prove him wrong. Lesnar is a wild card, in time he'll be a dominant force in MMA. Brute strength and an unrefined skill set, will he be able to bring enough to the table to compete with the seasoned and masterful Couture. The clash of styles and personalities will make for great theater. You can't script many better bouts, just ask Vince McMahon, he's tried. I don't think he got the real Lesnar, the real Brock isn't entertaining being someone that he isn't. He was at his best when he was an extention of himself and even that character wasn't that good. Fans were able to overlook that because they could forecast what he could become.

As long as Brock is hungry, the sky is the limit, but will Randy's Diner serve him up a slice of humble pie? Tune in to find out.

Second Fiddle Faddle

J.P. Losman, Matt Cassel, Byron Leftwich, Brady Quinn, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Sage Rosenfels, Kerry Collins, Damon Huard, Tyler Thigpen, Brooks Bollinger, Brad Johnson, Rex Grossman, Gus Frerotte, Dan Orlovsky, Brian Griese, Shaun Hill, Trent Green, Seneca Wallace

18 quarterbacks who have or will see significant playing time during the 2008 NFL season. If you are a QB in college who is being scouted as a pro prospect, you must be licking your chops right now. The time is now for many QBs that are 2nd or 3rd on their team's depth chart.

It can be a crapshoot, I'll throw another list at you, the list of QBs that have won a Super Bowl in the 2000s. Kurt Warner, Trent Dilfer, Tom Brady (3 times), Brad Johnson, Ben Roethlisberger, Peyton Manning, Eli Manning. QB is an important position, but coaches have found ways to win with average QBs. Time of possession, running the football, stalwart defense......passing is overrated.

And who doesn't like an underdog. It's why we pull for the scrubs during training camp. Nobody ever expects the understudy to prevail, but dreams can come true. What else is there to say, the proof is in the pudding. It's all so cliche, but that's why we play the games. A good backup is like an insurance policy, you are taking a risk if you don't have one in place.

Top 10 Reasons To Despise The Rays

The ALCS is upon us and it's a familiar site to see the Boston Red Sox in Johntober. Only this time (because of the city of Boston's successful sport franchises), the media wants to paint the Sox as the villian and the Devil Rays (yeah, old names die hard) as the lovable underdog. I'm not going to call myself a homer, but I'm a sports fan that'll support my local team. With that being said, I'm going run down a list of reasons to root against Tamper (yeah, I've create a colloquialism for the name of their fair city, sounds like hamper and Pampers). Here we go....

10. Evan Longoria

What's not to like about him, he's young (just turned 23 a week ago), he's probably going to be named AL Rookie Of The Year and he's going to be an All Star for years to come. He'd be a shortshop if it wasn't for his college team, Long Beach State already having a stud at that position in current Rockies shortstop Troy Tulowitski. Well, every time I say his name, I think of Mrs. Tony Parker. I'm sure he thinks of the same thing and hates it.



9. The Life Aquatic

Is it a manta ray, a sting ray, why couldn't they have just called themselves the Tampa Bay Sting and signed the wrestler Sting to drop from the rafters of the Trop and be their DH? It would have been way better than having rocker Sting do the same thing while wielding a lute. It would be a better marketing ploy then having Nasty Boy Brian Knobbs show up at all your games as a season ticket holder. Needless to say, you shouldn't have a fish tank in your ballpark (that goes for you too, Arizona).


8. Jason Bartlett

He just looks like the sketchy guy that dated the girl you had a crush when you were younger. Nothing really scares you about him, but he gets under your skin because he has something that you want. He's a throwback like before Cal Ripken turned shortstop into an offensive position. Back when you could hit like Rick Burleson and still contribute to your team. Also, I once knew a guy whose last name was Bartlett. He irated everybody he met. So much so that I came up with a phenomenon called The Bartlett Factor. It's a triple threat basically; looking like, dressing like and acting like a professional bowler, but the bowler must be a jerk. This doesn't apply to this Bartlett, but the person that was the inspiration for it also was shaped like a Bartlett pear.


7. BJ Upton

He's one of 5 players in the majors whose last name begins with the letter 'U' (a vowelie along with Chase Utley, Juan Uribe, Dan Uggla and his brother Justin). Is your first name that bad that you have to go by initials? Seriously? (Well when your first name is Melvin and your middle name is Emmanuel, you don't go by M.E., you go by Bossman Junior because your dad was Bossman - Too bad Big Bossman is dead. I hear John Cena (from West Newbury, Massachusetts) is a fan of theirs because most wrestlers live in Florida nowadays.


6. Cowbell

I got a fever because the seasons they are a changing and I'll settle for thunder sticks or old fashioned hooting and hollering, but cowbell. Hey dude, it isn't dinner time on the ranch, it's baseball on the diamond. Really? Is cowbell the best way that one could come up with for supporting their team? Why not try to sell out your ballpark for an entire season and then you can develop quirks. Part of me wishes it'll just be a fleeting SNL sketch rather than a bad sports movie on the Will Ferrell comedy meter, but Tampa has home field advantage by virtue of winning the AL East. These are the Devil Rays, I'm starting to get a headache.


5. Scott Kazmir

This 24 year old southpaw has been in the bigs since 2004. He cost me my fantasy baseball league title because I had faith in him to pitch well in one game in September. He blew up against the Red Sox (I never wanted him to win, I just wanted him to stay in it and let the bullpen blow that game late) and I was never able to recover from the inflated ERA and WHIP the rest of the two week matchup period. This list is personal, deal with it.


4. The Rayhawk

This fellow went the full blown with food coloring look. The lazy haircut that looks like a Cleveland Browns football helmet when it's short. The mohawk without all the Mo Vaughn. Which leads to this query: Would Mo Vaughn have been better off as a full time DH instead of a first baseman? If he focused solely on hitting, would he have been as big of a star as Big Papi has been in this decade? If he had Manny batting fourth behind him, he would have been a beast. He would have been pitching Crank2O to the masses like it was VitaminWater. Back to the buzz, women are getting their areas styled into a southern hemispherical version of the rayhawk. Plus, it's keeping kids from learning in school.


3. J.P. Howell

Because every time I hear his name, I think of Gilligan's Island. Which leads one of the all-time top 'would ya' debates: Mary Ann or Ginger? One's simple, one's flashy. Does it really matter? This isn't a communist society, we have options and choices. At any rate, J.P.'s also a soft tosser and I prefer my tossers like my tacos and turtles, hard shelled. I still believe turtle soup is an urban myth. You aren't a starter, you aren't a closer, you're a specialist. And nobody likes to see the specialist because he makes you pay big time.


2. Carlos Pena

The pride of Haverhill Mass could have been a big league 1B for many clubs mainly the Detroit Tigers, but it took getting to play in Tamper every day in order to be a big bopper. 46 dingers last year, a mirage. It'll build your confidence, but at 30 years old, you are yesterday's news.


1. Tropicana Orange Juice

It's bad enough that nobody can agree on the type of orange juice they like (no pulp, some pulp, lots of pulp, calcium fortified, screwdriver). They have to be the sponsor of the most hideous ballpark in MLB (at least the Metrodome looks presentable). If the Rays beat the Red Sox and go onto win the World Series, I may have to give up on my daily intake of Vitamin C for the rest of the year.

Ring Around The Rosey

Most of this was culled from a MySpace blog I did a couple of days ago, but it still should be relevant.

I remember when I was younger and the Olympics meant something. That was back when there were only a handful of TV channels. That was also before 9/11. Not to say there hasn't been times when nations didn't get along. There has been civil unrest since there were dinosaurs. But times have changed, there is so much going on that our attention spans have been shortened. We live in an on demand world.

But NBC and all of its dysfunctional sister stations have decided that they are God and Bob Costas is Jesus. In order to see what you want to see, they don't tell you exactly when they are going to air something so you have to tune out what you don't care about. Then there are the countless human interest puff pieces they feel the need to report. They only care to really cover these sports for a two week period every four years. It's all about ratings, advertising revenue and blatant egostroking and ballwashing.

So you want to make the Olympics interesting? Air them on HBO or Showtime and allow nudity. That's more compelling then kayaking or handball. I don't just want a nip slip, I want full frontal and then some. Then all these blogs that comment on pictures of hot chicks will stop blogging and start jerking off into a semicircle. Why a semicircle because eventually you'll hit the wall. That's why they have household cleaning products. When was the last time you saw a squigee (sp.?)

I'd watch Track & Field, if the competition was running from rabid dogs or the cops. Hell, give me a K-9 unit then we'll really find out who's doping. Gymnastics - can we have some developed girls please? These underdeveloped girls won't grow up without having some sort of social hurdle. I want to see a meaty girl try to do a cartwheel. Swimming, throw some sharks in there. Diving, make them dive through a ring of fire.

They could do so much more with the Olympics. The Olympics are almost as bad as the news if they aren't worse. I'm hungry, I'm debating going to the other end of town to pick up a pie from the Greeks at Olympic Pizza and then maybe I'll catch a flick at the Cameo. What are my choices - Mamma Mia and Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants 2? I'll pass and fast.

P.S. - Does Bela Karolyi do functions? Can you rent him out like people do with The Iron Sheik and D List celebrities looking for a buck? We can even call it 'motivational speaking' to give it credibility. The guy is clearly the most entertaining facet of Olympic programming. Why else would they stretch out the coverage of gymnastics and have him speak to Costas on a nightly basis about the travesties of the scoring and the plight of the American squads? If you want this to be rhetorical, go for it.

Lighten Up, Wimbledon!

There was a great gentleman's final at Wimbledon this year between Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer. The match was almost postponed at its climax due to darkness. You see, the British tennis community might as well be cavemen. Sure it's tradition like it was tradition that they didn't have lights at Wrigley Field. Perhaps that's the reason the Cubs haven't won a pennant in a 100 years and haven't won it during all those years where all home games were day games. Bats often come alive at night. But get with the times, Wimbledon. Just like general dentistry, we've come all long way, baby. It's all about the primetime.

The flashbulb serenade that Nadal received after he closed out Federer in the epic five set battle and won his 1st Wimbledon was tremendous. No one expected there to be rain delays that would even bring the match to dusk, but they should be prepared. Championship sporting events do not need a curfew, ask the NBA and MLB how that works out for them. Stretched out programming to generate more advertising revenue is not an issue. Your target audience already has a Rolex perhaps they need a new one. Tennis might as well be a cult, a smug elitist one at that.

Tennis has become the world's game and America is it's bitch. You may not get America back without bringing in a player like John McEnroe or Pete Sampras. Andy Roddick and James Black, they aren't the answer. Neither is Allen Iverson quite frankly, what was the question? No lights, no problem. Glow in the dark tennis, everything is neon or in black light. Everyone is traditionally wearing white so they look like they would at club night. You could play trippy music as well. You get the hippies on board because what else are they going to watch. They are still trying to figure out how to DVR Wipeout! without sober help. Lite Brite Pong, you have me buying what you are selling.

Maybe if ESPN had a UK SportsCenter (they probably do and call it SportsCentre like they do in Canada), but then again, the sight of a Brit version of Stuart Scott might drive them bonkers across the pond. I don't know if they are ready for someone resembling Tanqueray Gin ad guy Tony Sinclair to offer them hugs and handpounds. We stole Cheerios and Cheers from them, we might as well give them something back.

Past Perfect

The 2008 NFL schedule was officially released this afternoon and now is the time for all good men to discuss the sexiest pairings of the upcoming season. What, you can't break down the bumper crop of offensive lineman in next week's draft for the umpteenth time? "He said, she said" with Brett Favre not being able to give it up has skinned the cat that got your tongue? I could make many observations about my local squad, The New England Patriots, but I'll keep it succinct. Business trips to Shamu's Privates to take on The Bolts in Week 6 and Hoosier (dare I discover the origin of the term 'hoosier') Central for a date with The Colts in Week 9. I was tempted to call them 'The Horseshoes', I'm even more tempted to insinuate that they should have a mascot in the shape of a horseshoe named Ringer that drunken Hoosiers could fling onion rings or better yet, an Awesome Blossom. I'm sure Outback would love that and the sheilas rejoice.

Both games are on Sunday nights so make sure you spank your sister after the 4:15pm games so she'll have a spring in her step come kickoff. My favorite matchup will be the other Sunday night tilt (there's a possibility that NBC will pull another early Sunday matchup during the latter half of the year for their flex matchup, but there's a cap on the number of primetime games a team can play) when they visit the artificial 12th man in Seattle versus The Seahawks. I'm sure Peter King will be at the game drinking Starbucks and he'll have something to say about it in his Monday column.

I'm not drinking any Kool-Aid, but I'll say it, as much as I'd like to see a perfect season from New England in 2008, I don't want to see it happen. I probably wouldn't be able to watch football ever again. But I thought that was the case when I felt like I was sucker punched after the AFC Championship loss to Indy in 2007 and the most recent Super Bowl versus The Giants (I still think Fox fixed the game, they are 'The Devil's Channel, but that's my conspiracy theory for another day). The collective romanticism that would result from an undefeated, unblemished Super Bowl championship team would exceed that of Jim Nantz during a Masters weekend. A season without defeat would be the ultimate accomplishment, but where do you go from there? It would be a tall order to live up to that singular season in every season after that. Bill Belichick has found ways to movitate his championship rosters of the past. But do you really want to become like Mercury Morris? He's the guy at your school reunion that has held onto his past for way too long.

Sure it's great to have a memory, but the band must play on. There's more music to be heard. That's what athletics is all about, the ebb and flow of the pursuit. I hope the Patriots win every time they take the field, but if they don't, it'll be something to vent about. With that being said, I hope to see them in Tampa at the end of the year for Super Bowl XLIII. I predict that they'll face the Dallas Cowboys and win 34-20.