Most of this was culled from a MySpace blog I did a couple of days ago, but it still should be relevant.
I remember when I was younger and the Olympics meant something. That was back when there were only a handful of TV channels. That was also before 9/11. Not to say there hasn't been times when nations didn't get along. There has been civil unrest since there were dinosaurs. But times have changed, there is so much going on that our attention spans have been shortened. We live in an on demand world.
But NBC and all of its dysfunctional sister stations have decided that they are God and Bob Costas is Jesus. In order to see what you want to see, they don't tell you exactly when they are going to air something so you have to tune out what you don't care about. Then there are the countless human interest puff pieces they feel the need to report. They only care to really cover these sports for a two week period every four years. It's all about ratings, advertising revenue and blatant egostroking and ballwashing.
So you want to make the Olympics interesting? Air them on HBO or Showtime and allow nudity. That's more compelling then kayaking or handball. I don't just want a nip slip, I want full frontal and then some. Then all these blogs that comment on pictures of hot chicks will stop blogging and start jerking off into a semicircle. Why a semicircle because eventually you'll hit the wall. That's why they have household cleaning products. When was the last time you saw a squigee (sp.?)
I'd watch Track & Field, if the competition was running from rabid dogs or the cops. Hell, give me a K-9 unit then we'll really find out who's doping. Gymnastics - can we have some developed girls please? These underdeveloped girls won't grow up without having some sort of social hurdle. I want to see a meaty girl try to do a cartwheel. Swimming, throw some sharks in there. Diving, make them dive through a ring of fire.
They could do so much more with the Olympics. The Olympics are almost as bad as the news if they aren't worse. I'm hungry, I'm debating going to the other end of town to pick up a pie from the Greeks at Olympic Pizza and then maybe I'll catch a flick at the Cameo. What are my choices - Mamma Mia and Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants 2? I'll pass and fast.
P.S. - Does Bela Karolyi do functions? Can you rent him out like people do with The Iron Sheik and D List celebrities looking for a buck? We can even call it 'motivational speaking' to give it credibility. The guy is clearly the most entertaining facet of Olympic programming. Why else would they stretch out the coverage of gymnastics and have him speak to Costas on a nightly basis about the travesties of the scoring and the plight of the American squads? If you want this to be rhetorical, go for it.
